im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Randomize
