my sisters under your porch take her home
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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