I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
