You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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