Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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