Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
