I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Randomize