I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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