You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
