You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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