So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize