So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
