Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
