So gin and wine won't be happening again
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
