dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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