Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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