its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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