Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
