im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
