Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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