just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
