you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
