Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
