The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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