So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
