No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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