I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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