My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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