my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
