Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
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He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
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They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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