im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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