I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
