In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
