I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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