think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
