Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
how drunk are you?
Several
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
