Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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