He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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