I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
