I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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