Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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