I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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