i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
