I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
how does that bad decision feel?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
