i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
