The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
