Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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