May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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