Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
