she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
