Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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