go do what you do best...puke behind churches
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I came so hard my ears popped.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
