why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
