That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
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I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
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You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize