He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
