Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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