Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
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Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
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YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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