tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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