Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
