wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
