My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize