no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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