If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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