i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
