Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I believe in your delicious
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
