wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
