Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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