Can Purell be used as lube?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize