i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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