i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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