im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
