Pregnant stripper...not hot.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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