I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
